About the Journey
by alliluna
Summary: "It was all Sybil's fault, really. If she hadn't decided to have her wedding in Chicago in February, then Mary wouldn't be stuck driving halfway across America with her ex-boyfriend, who she was pretty sure she still hated." It takes an impromptu road trip for Mary and Matthew to find something like reconciliation.


The airport was teeming, filled with all sorts of delayed passengers as a blizzard swirled outside, coating all of New York in fresh snow. Mary had never seen a blizzard this big before, and she might have appreciated the beauty of it had she not been stuck in the airport with just two days left before her little sister's wedding, no flights available for three, and an unintentional (and certainly undesired) travel companion.

Yes, of course she had managed to get on the same flight as Matthew Crawley of all people. She thought she had been clever, taking a flight from London to New York and then a connecting flight to Chicago. Of course he had done the exact same thing.

She had already prepared for an awkward meeting with him, only the second time they had met since they broke up four years ago. Of course they would have to meet; he was Tom's best man and of course she was Sybil's maid of honor. But she hadn't anticipated it being so soon, and in such tight quarters.

Once again, she cursed Sybil for having her wedding in Chicago. In February. And she cursed Tom for moving her there for his new job. If she had decided to do the wedding in England, this travel nightmare wouldn't be happening. And if she absolutely had to do it in America, February was probably the worst month possible.

Mary groaned and looked back at the long line behind her as she approached the ticket desk. "Are you certain you don't have any flights tomorrow? My sister is getting married on Saturday."

The agent rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, nothing's changed. The soonest we can get you on is Saturday afternoon."

"Are there any alternatives? Another airline, another airport, anything?"

"If you haven't noticed, there's a blizzard out there. Airports pretty much get shut down, and unless you want to drive to South Carolina and hop on a flight there, you're out of luck. And anyway, you'd be better off just driving to Chicago than doing that."

Mary's eyes lit up. "How long does it take to drive to Chicago?"

"Normally, about 14 hours. In this weather, though..."

"You'd comp the rental car though, right?" a voice behind her said. Mary groaned internally. Of course Matthew was here. She didn't allow herself to look at him, that would be risking too much.

The agent frowned and looked between the two of them. "Excuse me, are you together?"

"We're..."

He interrupted her. "Yep. Matthew Crawley, Mary Crawley. We're... cousins."

Mary bit her lip and glared at him, but the agent didn't seem to notice.

"If you're crazy enough to drive to Chicago in this, go for it," the agent said. "The states usually do a pretty good job of clearing the roads, but if the blizzard doesn't taper off soon I'm thinking you may be in for a rough ride."

"That's alright, isn't it, Mary?" Matthew said pointedly. "It's not like we have many other options if we want to get to the wedding on time."

Mary barely manages to grab the rental car voucher before storming away from the ticket counter, Matthew hot on her heels.

"Cousins? Cousins? That was the best you could do?" she whispers with the intensity of a shout.

Matthew stops short of her. "We haven't really talked in four years and that's the first thing you say to me?"

She tried to step away from him, but the crowds in the airport made it impossible. "Look, I don't have time for this."

"We have fourteen hours, at least."

Mary held up her voucher. "Who says you're coming with me?"

"You're not driving all the way to Chicago by yourself. You've never driven in the snow, anyway, and you hate driving. And there's no sense in us driving separately. As ridiculous as you can be, you're normally pretty sensible about those kind of things. So... planning on going it alone?"

She turned her back to him. "I hate how well you know me. Ok, fine, we'll go together, but I would advise you to keep your mouth shut or I may have to drop you off on the side of the highway."

Matthew pressed his lips together. "Very well, I'll attempt to avoid saying anything that may offend you, although I'm sure you're well aware that I'm quite adept at putting my foot in my mouth."

Mary tried to hide the slight smirk crossing her face. It had been four years, and she had been so mad at him for how their relationship had ended, and she still was, but it was difficult to be mad at him all the time when he was so charming. "It didn't take me long to figure that one out," she replied.

"Well, I say we make a game plan for this. Now let's see, it's 9 pm here, which means it's well past midnight at home, and if your day went anything like mine I'm guessing you've been up for quite some time. In that case, it would be impractical to start driving tonight and I suggest we find a hotel somewhere nearby and head out in the morning."

Mary frowned. "It's fourteen hours, which may not be entirely possible in one day. If we stay here tonight, we'll be cutting it very close and it's unlikely we'll make it to the wedding rehearsal. I say we stop somewhere in Pennsylvania tonight and then we'll have a reasonable drive tomorrow, and can get there in plenty of time to be in the rehearsal."

He sighed; it wasn't sensible, nor was it safe, but he did not oppose the idea. "Very well. But I think first I may need to stop for some coffee."

"Coffee, rather than tea? That's quite American."

"It's a much bigger place," he joked. "A cup of tea will give you the energy to get across England, but here we have much further to go."

Getting a rental car was shockingly easy after the ordeal that trying to find a flight was. Of course, no one seemed to eager to drive in the snow (although it was certainly lightening up compared to the previous hour). The man at the counter looked at them with a slightly raised eyebrow, but handed Matthew the keys to the car.

Mary bit her lip as the transaction was completed It was all Sybil's fault, really. If she hadn't decided to have her wedding in Chicago in February, then Mary wouldn't be stuck driving halfway across America with her ex-boyfriend, who she was pretty sure she still hated.

As they walked out to the garage, Mary moved quickly to be slightly in front of Matthew. "Give me the keys, I'll drive."

Matthew laughed, with an almost condescending tone. "Mary, remember the time I let you drive around London?"

Mary shrugged. "Yes, it was fine. And then after that, you decided that you should always drive."

"Because I counted at least three times during that drive when we came close to an accident, and I was holding my breath the whole time. Now, I've had a cup of coffee and I'll be alright to drive for a few hours. Besides, when have you ever driven in the snow?"

Mary pressed her lips together. He was probably right, much as she hated to admit it. "Fine. You drive. But I can't let you drive the entire way tomorrow, that would just be cruel to inflict on you."

He opened the trunk of the car and lifted his suitcase in, and then put Mary's in as well before she could protest. "We'll see about that tomorrow," he murmured.

It was pretty much as soon as he turned out of the parking space that Mary started criticizing his driving. "Matthew, we're in America now. You've got to drive on the other side."

He swerved over, suddenly grateful that no one else was driving out of the parking garage. As they left the structure, they were relieved to see that the snow had stopped falling for a brief reprieve and that the roads were fairly well cleared. Almost no one was out on the roads.

As Matthew pulled onto the freeway, he shook his head and let out a laugh. "We're crazy, aren't we. Absolutely insane."

"Every flight was booked out, and half of them were bound to be cancelled again anyway..." Mary started.

"No, it's not even that," he replied, keeping his eyes focused on the road. To look at her would be a mistake. "I mean, we haven't seen each other since our ...rather acrimonious split four years ago. And here we are, in a blizzard, driving halfway across America together. I can't help but think that's quite an odd new start."

Mary fiddled with the radio, trying to avoid looking at him as well. "A new start? I don't know if I could call it that after what happened between us."

"If you want to stay mad at me, it's going to be a very miserable drive. Mary... forget what happened between us, at least until after the wedding. Just... catch up with me. Hard as it may be for you to believe, I've missed you. I've heard some about how you've been from Sybil but..."

Mary couldn't hide her incredulity. "You talked to Sybil? About me?"

"Of course I did!" he said, raising his voice slightly. "Tom's my best friend, so I've seen Sybil, and naturally I inquired after you. I know we weren't on good terms but I wasn't so rude as to ignore your existence."

"Whereas I was rude enough to ignore yours," Mary muttered.

He sighed and shook his head again. "Mary, that's not what..."

"Oh look, we managed to make it to New Jersey," Mary interrupted dully, pointing at a sign. "We're making progress. Now does this car have any charging ports? My phone is about to die."

Matthew understood her change of subject, and it some ways, it was comforting. Their first conversation in four years had nearly turned into a fight, and he certainly didn't have the energy nor the will for that, not after having been up for far too many hours already. "You're shotgun, go ahead and look for it."

"That's a rather American term. We've only been here a few hours yet."

He sighed yet again. "Must you criticize everything I say? I'm starting to think I made a mistake in agreeing to drive with you."

"You were the one who came up to the counter. I would have been perfectly happy to drive by myself."

"With what experience? Have you ever driven in the snow?"

Mary turned to glare out the car window, where the snow was falling yet again. "No... but you can't say you've had great amounts either."

"More than you have, though. Enough to get us through," he defended. Just then, the car almost slid on a patch of ice. He was lucky they were nearly alone on the freeway, as he slightly swerved into another lane.

"Your point being?"

He rolled his eyes. "Mary, my point is, I'm not mad anymore. Or at least I'm not going to be. I want Sybil and Tom's wedding to be as pleasant as possible and if we're still feuding, then that's going to stress them out and I would rather not do that."

She pressed her lips together, still unwilling to look at him. "I can't deny that you hurt me greatly, and ever since we broke up... I've struggled with some things. And I'm exhausted and frustrated and a little frightened, and I shouldn't take that out on you but the combination of all of those things... and now here we are."

"Say no more right now, I understand. And I'm exhausted too, which of course won't make either of us very pleasant."

"What do you say we pull off at the next stop and just find a hotel there? We've driven far enough tonight," Mary said, looking out the window again.

Matthew couldn't find any reason to deny her this. He pulled off the exit and into the parking lot of the first hotel he sees.

When they stepped inside, it was clear that the hotel was built in about the 1960s and had not been changed at all since then. They approached a dilapidated counter in the dimly lit lobby where a bored-looking woman sat. Matthew had to clear his throat before she looked at them. "Welcome to the Roadside Inn," she muttered in a monotone voice. "What can I help you with?"

"We're in need of a room for the night," Matthew said. At Mary's elbow, he corrected, "Two rooms, if you can manage it."

The woman tapped away at her computer, before frowning. "I've only got one room. Sorry, I've had lots of last minute requests tonight, the blizzard stopped a lot of people in their tracks."

Matthew frowned and looked to Mary. "Well I..."

"Very well, we'll take it," Mary said.

"That will be 400 dollars," the woman said unsympathetically.

Matthew's jaw dropped. "That's ridiculous, for a singular..."

Mary again elbowed him, holding out her credit card. "It appears we have no other options," she hissed. "You can pay me back later."

He took up one of the room keys placed on the desk and began to walk away. "That was rather rash. I wouldn't have minded driving around to find another hotel, one that didn't charge such exorbitant prices and could provide us with more than one..."

"Well, I haven't been the only one making rash decisions today," Mary said, as she pulled her suitcase down the hallway, coming to their room. She opened the door, her face falling as she inspected the room. It was as ugly as the lobby; small, badly lit, with furniture that had hardly been moved since the 60s. Of the furniture, there was surprisingly little; a table, a chair, and a singular bed were all that occupied the room.

Mary scarcely dared to look back at Matthew. Her mind went through all sorts of panic but she went further in, hoping against hope that he would not mention the obvious problem.

Matthew was never very good at fulfilling Mary's wishes, however, and as soon as he stepped into the room, he murmured, "Well... I suppose I'll have to sleep on the floor."

"I can't let you do that," Mary said immediately, although she couldn't quite justify her quick response. "We'll... get a cot, or something."

"It's past midnight, Mary. If they've not all been taken already, no one will be willing to go find a cot for us," Matthew sighed.

Mary shook her head, her mind racing to think of a solution to dispel the awkwardness between them. "Well, then, I'll sleep in the chair. You ought to have the bed because you've been driving, and you need to be well rested to drive tomorrow as well."

"Mary, I can't..."

"Oh, we're both going to be stupid about this, aren't we," Mary moaned. "It's not too small a bed, we can just throw some pillows down the middle, it'll be fine."

Matthew pressed his lips together, considering the small room. It did sound like the best solution; he was not particularly looking forward to sleeping on the floor, and yet he could not let Mary sacrifice for him. "That will be alright. Just for tonight, and we never even have to think about it again."

There was nothing more that needed to be said. As they both quickly prepared for bed, they spoke no words. Even as they laid down, both clinging to their side of the bed in a desperate attempt to avoid being close, silence reigned. The light was extinguished, and that appeared to be that.

Matthew, however, could not manage to stay asleep.

When he woke up, all sweaty, breathing heavily, he could barely even remember what the nightmare was about. All he knew was that it had been horrifying, and that his mind was far too active to fall back asleep.

Unfortunately, his awakening had not been silent, and his face fell as Mary rolled over and murmured, "Matthew? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, nothing," he whispered, but his voice was so anxious that it came out as more of a hiss.

She sat up and reached over to turn on the light. "You were screaming," she said, taking in his pale face. It was streaked with tears that he hadn't even realized were there.

"I have nightmares. I... I don't sleep very well," he admitted, rubbing his eyes against the brightness of the light. "Not since..."

"Not since you left me, without a word, to join the army," Mary finished.

He put his face in his hands. "Mary, do we need to rehash this now?"

"Since it appears that neither of us will be getting back to sleep anytime soon, why not? Admit it. You left, without a single word, without even a text, and I had to find out from my sister's boyfriend that you had gone off to join the army and that you'd committed to two years. We hadn't even officially broken up. In fact, I was still considering your proposal."

Matthew frowned, still trying to wake himself from the nightmarish haze that he had just experienced. "You could hardly call it that, after how long you equivocated. I did text you, several times, to ask for an answer. In return, you told me nothing. I had to ask Sybil what was going on, and she hardly knew. But then I found out about Pamuk, and I pieced it all together."

Mary's eyes widened. "What did you find out about Pamuk?"

"That when we started dating, you were in a relationship with him. And the only reason that relationship ended was due to his untimely death. I admit, I wondered in the first few months, especially when he died and you seemed so heartbroken, which should have set off red flags immediately, but..."

Her jaw dropped as she fumbled to find the words to interrupt him. "Matthew, you have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know who you heard these vile rumors from, but they're not..."

"I heard them from Edith," he said.

Mary closed her eyes and looked away. "Well that would explain things."

"Was she right?"

"Not in the least," Mary whispered. "I mean, her raw facts may have been correct, but her interpretation was entirely wrong. I will admit, I did have what you could call a 'relationship' with Pamuk when he was at the company, but it was not of my choosing."

Matthew stared at her, unblinking. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"No, you wouldn't. And if you heard all this from Edith, and by the way I could kill her for this if that was the cause of our relationship failures, then of course you would see me at fault in it. Pamuk pursued me. Relentlessly. And I admit, I flirted with him, encouraged him. You and I had only been on a few dates at that point, and frankly, I wasn't feeling too committed. But I wouldn't have gone there with him. Not by choice, anyway. We were both at a conference in a hotel in London. He came to my room, late at night. I told him to leave, but he did not. And then..."

"He raped you," Matthew whispered, horrified.

Mary sighed, crossing her legs and finally turning to face Matthew. "He... coerced me, shall we say. He threatened me with the loss of my job if I didn't sleep with him, or if I reported him, and, well, I figured I had brought it upon myself with my flirting, so I let him. It was a hellish, miserable experience. To make matters worse, he had a stroke or an aneurism or something and then... he just died on top of me. That was the cause of my distress. Not so much his death, but the circumstances surrounding it."

Matthew's eyes softened. "Oh Mary, I'm so sorry for letting Edith..."

"I don't blame you for trusting her. Nor to I blame you for taking offense to the long time I took to consider you proposal. I struggled with it, and especially with telling you about Pamuk. I felt as if we could not enter into an engagement without you knowing about him... but of course Edith beat me to it. And when I found out what she had told you, I had to take more time to consider, and... I guess I kept you waiting too long."

"That's the thing. Edith very strongly implied that your Pamuk encounter was simply one of many flings that you were having behind my back. I was stupid to believe her, but I was so heartbroken, and it seemed a sensible reason for your delay, and so I was heartbroken, stupid, and also in debt from university. Joining the military seemed just rash and just rational enough to do; to forget you and pay off what I owed."

Mary blinked back tears that were threatening to fall. "So this is all Edith's fault, then?"

"No, because I failed to deal with it like an adult. Instead, I made a stupid decision, made it worse by not telling you, and believe me, those two years in the army still are haunting me, as you no doubt figured out this evening."

Mary reached a hand out to him. "It was unfair of me to expect you to wait so long. I put you through a lot, and then expected you to still love me at the end of it."

He took her outstretched hand in his. "I never stopped loving you. I tried to forget you, but I never stopped loving you."

Mary closed her eyes and looked away from him, unable to absorb the full impact of his statement. How could he be so bold as to say that? How could he suddenly upend every one of her emotions in a sentence? How could he wash away four years of bitterness and suddenly expect everything to be alright between them? Did he not think before he spoke, think of what havoc this would wreak her heart?

And yet, in that moment, she realized she felt the exact same way.

"I thought I hated you," she whispered, "but that was only what I told myself so that I was not utterly destroyed by the hurt. I never asked about you because I couldn't bring myself to think of you again. It took me six months simply to be rid of my anger and sadness, and after that, I was afraid that if I thought about you, I'd fall back to where I was right after you left. So, I guess, although I've scarcely acknowledged it until now, that I still loved you as well."

Matthew brushed a stray hair out of her eyes, as she finally brought herself to meet his gaze. He leaned his head toward hers, whispering under his breath, "Oh, Mary, we were so, so stupid." "We were," she murmured back, feeling both frozen and thrilled at the lack of space between them. "We probably still are."

His hand very slowly caressed her cheek. "This is our second chance. What do you say?" His breath tickled her ear, and she couldn't help but grin. This was so fast, so unexpected, and yet... she had been waiting for this for the last four years, loath as she was to admit it. All the pain of the past melted away in his embrace.

She was speechless. No words escaped her lips; instead, her lips met his in a long-awaited and yet utterly surprising kiss. Neither wanted to pull away for fear that it would end and the magic would disappear.

Here they were, in the ugliest hotel known to man, at three in the morning, with a blizzard raging outside, and yet... it was utterly magical.

Finally, they had to breathe. Awkward, afraid giggles spilled out of both of them as they pulled apart. They said nothing, but unlike before, the silence was comforting rather than uncomfortable.

"Well," Matthew finally said, "I suppose this changes things."

"I suppose it might," Mary replied. "Although we mustn't upstage Sybil and Tom."

Matthew laughed. "Don't worry, I'm sure your family will think that Sybil marrying him and moving to a new country in the process is dramatic enough."

She took his hand once more. "I suppose we should sleep at least a little. We have a lot of driving to do tomorrow."

Sleep, surprisingly, came easily to both of them.

Early the next morning, they set out. The snow had stopped falling and the main roads were clear, but quiet. So were Mary and Matthew. There was almost a fear of breaking the progress they had made the night before.

Most of Pennsylvania passed by quietly, as the sun rose behind them and the sky began to clear. "We might have been able to get a flight today," Mary commented, finally breaking the silence between them.

"Where would we be if we had decided to wait for a flight, though?" Matthew wondered out loud. "I must say, I'm rather thankful for our little impromptu road trip. Although I certainly won't regret flying back."

"Nor will I. But I suppose I'll have seen my share of America this way."

Matthew laughed. "And you'll have spent several hours with me."

"Who better to do it with?"

With that, it was as if floodgates were broken and they could talk about everything and nothing for hours on end. While both avoided dwelling too much on the past, especially the immediate aftermath of their breakup, they fell into their natural rhythm of friendship.

It was late evening when they crossed the border into Illinois. The drive had been long, but the events of the night before had made it far more pleasant than it would have been. As they finally pulled into the parking garage of the hotel where the wedding was to be held, after Matthew complained about the absurdly high prices, the car was turned off and they sat back and looked at each other.

"We did it," Mary said.

"We did it," Matthew repeated. He opened the door of the car and walked around to the trunk. Mary was about to pull out her suitcase when she heard a voice behind her.

"Mary, Matthew, you made it!" Sybil shouted, running towards them. "We were so afraid you wouldn't, what with the blizzard and everything."

Mary laughed. "Well, if you hadn't decided to have your wedding in Chicago in February..." she said, pulling her sister into an embrace.

"I see you survived, I was afraid it would be awkward for you," Sybil whispered into Mary's ear.

Mary turned to Matthew, who gave her a shy smile. "I was afraid of that too, but I believe it worked out for both of us."

Sybil raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that?"

"We'll explain later. Let's go up, we've been in the car for 12 hours today and I'm sure you've got plenty to tell me about the rehearsal tomorrow."

"I'll take these bags," Sybil said, grabbing the garment bags that had been carefully packed into the trunk. Mary and Matthew took their suitcases and they began to walk towards the elevators.

As soon as Sybil got in, Mary turned to Matthew and explained that she had left her purse behind. "Go on up, Sybil, Matthew has the keys and we'll go back and get it."

Once Mary had her purse securely in hand, they entered the next elevator. Matthew looked at her, so beautiful even after the long ride, and could not resist the urge to kiss her. Her response was encouraging, and the kiss was all too short as they traveled up to the lobby. The doors opened too soon, and Sybil, waiting by the elevator, saw everything.

As they broke apart in surprise, Sybil commented, "I guess you'll really have to tell me about your road trip now."

Mary and Matthew laughed as they stepped out.

"We enjoyed ourselves, didn't we?" Matthew said, taking her arm.

"I suppose we could say that," Mary replied.

Her grin was brighter than the (much more modern) lighting of the hotel lobby.

* * *

 _This is a (fairly belated) birthday present for my dear friend galindadaae, based on one of the many AUs for this couple that we've discussed. So happy birthday, and thanks for being such an amazing friend. For anyone who is wondering about Less Broken, I'm hoping to get that updated this weekend. Reviews are always lovely (especially since I'm less confident in writing modern AUs). Thanks for reading!_


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